Oh bother.

Stringing together thoughts as well as pieces of a whole.

Everyone falls victim at one time or another to “playing the part”. Whether it be sucking up to bosses and teachers or trying to act a certain way in front of a group of friends, it happens everywhere and to everyone. I was thinking a lot about it this past weekend when my sister’s friend from Oregon came to visit. My sister acted… differently. She had so much energy and was just happy and jumpy but then also strangely rude and very middle-schooly. She mentioned to her friend that she really doesn’t like it when people come over to our house.

I was wondering about this and I’ve come to a conclusion: people coming over mix with her two personality types: the one that she has with friends and the one she has at home. Apparently the two don’t go so hand in hand, and my surprise at her attitude change is an indication of that. Anyways, as with all things, I applied this to myself and admitted that I also play different roles. There’s the home Susanna, who is really quiet and lazy, but does what she’s asked and plays a lot of piano. There’s the home friends Susanna, who is slightly dim-witted, happy and laughy and is an avid, vocal Harry Potter fan as well as a huge videogame/anime/youtube nerd. The newest edition is the college friends Susanna. She’s much more outgoing than the previous Susannas and is obsessed with hipsters and China and the biggest Poland Nationalist out there. She’s punny and actually kind of good at English (the subject, not the language) as well as a bunch of other things mixed in there. 

Wow, talking about myself in the 3rd person was weird. Actually, this whole subject is kind of weird: thinking that there’s different yous that you present to different people. The weirdest thing is that… well… they’re all me. I don’t ever really feel like I’m playing a part. It’s more like, I’m picking and choosing what to show some people and not others, but it’s still all me. All of these things are me. But I wonder why I pick and choose. Why can’t I be all of these things all the time? Am I always an “incomplete Susanna”? When am I ever whole?

*Sigh. Lately, Tumblr has become an outlet for my thoughts. I’m too lazy to write these things down in a journal.